Your Horoscope "BELIEVE IT OR NOT"
- AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 13) You have an
inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great
deal. On the other hand inclined to be careless and impractical, causing
you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are
- PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
the NBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent
you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence and are
generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
- ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are
quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
- TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and
work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed.
Taurus people have B.O. and fart a lot.
- GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like yu because you are
bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect to much for too little.
This means you are cheap. Gemini are known for committing incest.
- CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They
think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why
you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are
- LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most
Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.
- VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes
fall asleep while making love. Virgoes make good bus drivers.
- LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If
you are a man you are more than likely to be queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are good
prostitutes. All Libras have venereal disease.
- SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio
people are murdered.
- SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are
drunks or dope friends. People laugh at you a great deal.
- CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of
anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as a dog
might think you are a tree and piss on you.
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